Nothing happened today. Imagine how many people had a birthday today. Like, heaps of people — about the same as the population of Australia. You’re all so much less special than you think you are.

I think everyone in my local coffee shop reads this because now the guy (you may know him as ‘limp dick’) doesn’t want a bar of me. He pretends he doesn’t know what I’m going to order. He looks at me expectantly as I walk up. “All right”, I say, “I’ll play along… may I please have a large cappuccino with one sugar” and he holds his hand out like he’s expecting cash even though I’ve never once paid with cash.

“All right, I’ll play along”, I say again. “Cash I use that?” I tap the thing that you tap with your card to pay. He says “Oh, what this thing? To pay? Sure, let me just tap 12 numbers into it first. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap, there you go, just hold your card against the thing there.”

It’s funny, I always feel like paying cash is the old-school method and paying with card is the new-fangled way. But you’re paying with card either way. It’s just with the old school method you payed with the card several days earlier at a different place and got some IOUs out of a machine that you are now caching in.

I boycott places that still have a surcharge when paying by card for purchases under $10. One coffee shop charged me 8c extra to pay by card. They can go suck a bag of carrots.

I might take up archery in addition to my singing lessons that I haven’t got around to starting yet.

Movie review: Edge of Tomorrow

Tom Cruise is a bit annoying for a few hours in this movie that is more like Groundhog Day than I expected it to be.

Some aliens have attacked the earth. Based on the map that they showed on the news at the start, the started in Hungary somewhere and then moved outwards. Luckily someone made a suit that you can wear that has guns on it that is 100% ineffectual.

So these people get dropped on the beach and they all get torn to shreds because, as I mentioned, their suits with guns are 100% ineffectual. Everyone dies, including Tommy.

But wait, what’s this, oh it’s fucking Groundhog Day every time he dies, let’s have another crack at it, shall we? This happens 800 times until they win against the aliens. The end.

Oh but wait, how to build tension if you just come back every time you die? Well, 75% of the way through the movie he loses some blood, but doesn’t die. And, it is explained to us, this means that the next time he dies it’s for good, because the groundhog magic was contained in that half a cup of blood he lost while being annoying.

Oh it’s 6:56, dinner time. End of movie review. Here’s another one:

Movie review: John Wick

Someone kills Keanu Reeves’ dog. So he goes and murders 174 people one at a time.

Seriously, there’s no plot any further than that, just a string of people killed for literally no other reason than that they know someone that killed Keanu’s dog. And to be fair the guy that started it all didn’t exactly kill the dog, it was still alive when he left in his car (oh I guess he stole his car, too). So even though the dog died after he left, Keanu still went and killed a lot of people because this pissed him off.

7:00pm. Dinner.

Medium added the “movie” tag and I’m leaving it.

I only exist while you're reading my posts.

I only exist while you're reading my posts.