I bought some groceries online. I had the option to allow the supermarket people to make — and I quote — “reasonable substitutions”.

Well, it turns out that the supermarket people and I have very different definitions of ‘reasonable’, because when my seven 500g packets of big spiral pasta arrived, it was in fact seven 500g packets of penne.

Fucking penne! What kind of a pasta is that? With spirals, you ram it with a fork, anywhere along its length, do a a little twist and boom, that pasta is safe an secure on its way to your mouth. But with penne…

Dum dum duuuuuummmmmm

Yes I took a photo of the penne I dropped just for this post.

Also whenever I hear, read or say ‘penne’, I picture Forest Gump talking to his unicorn, Penny, as he rides her along the shore of a deserted beach.

Went out for a walk this morning and saw a handicapped girl jogging. My first thought was that must hurt. Her right leg was flailing out at an angle that made me wince. Her front legs were spinning round like a, um, like a gay t-rex that really wants to hear the gossip you have to share and the t-rex is on a trampoline.

Or maybe she was a normal and just had a stick in her shoe and a fly in her face or something.

But seriously, poor handicapped people. I’m glad I’m not one and I went for an extra long ride today out of appreciation for being pretty normal in the grand scheme of things.

I’m sure someone will find something to be offended by there. There’s just no pleasing you internet folk.

Coffee shop owner asked me “So Alex, when you’re working from home, what do you do?” I said “I’m a programmer”.

He said “Oh, C-sharp, Cobal, HTML”.

Yeah, sure they’re all things that you just said, please tell me about how you learned them in high school.

The new girl continues to give the cold shoulder in response to my advances. She was not interested in my suggestion that we go to the movies, even though it would be a bargain because we would ‘only need one seat’, winkety wink.

I only exist while you're reading my posts.

I only exist while you're reading my posts.