Everybody loved Larry, and he was invited to all the llama parties. He was always making the other llamas laugh.
If he was invited to a picnic, he’d say “that sounds great, alpaca lunch” even though alpacas and llamas are two different animals. And when leaving pretty much anywhere he would say “llama gettin’ outta here” and people would never tire of this.
Yes, Larry was one of the greats.
But Larry had a secret. It’s in the title of the story, so not exactly a secret, but I’ll pretend it isn’t.
You see, even though Larry was born with male genitalia, like a penis, and balls, Larry didn’t feel like a boy llama. On the contrary, Larry felt like a girl llama, trapped in a boy llama’s body.
Sometimes, when no one was around, Larry would pretend he was a girl llama, parting his hair on the right, and maybe even putting a bow in it. He would sway his hips a little more as he walked, pretending he had ‘junk’ in his ‘trunk’. He would stay home doing nothing all day, drinking chardonnay at lunch while the boy llamas were at work — and somehow have the gall to complain about ‘equal rights’! Fucking girl llamas.
It was at these times that Larry truly felt himself. Or should I say herself, because he’s a girl on the inside and apparently chromosomes don’t count for shit.
Larry enjoyed playing make-believe, but wished that he could be a girl llama all the time, not only when he was on his own sucking down New Zealand’s finest. But Larry was ashamed, he felt like there was something wrong with him.
Well, technically there was something wrong with him. What’s ‘right’ about getting your gender wrong? Nuthin’, that’s what.
You see, llamas live in a society where only normal is acceptable. If you’re something that most people aren’t, you need to have a parade and make a shit ton of noise about it just to get other llamas to acknowledge that llamas like you actually exist. And even when it’s accepted that llamas like you do exist, the other llamas will still think you’re a weirdo. And God help you if your type of weird was frowned upon while they were busy writing the llama bible, because even in this day and age, Christians still run the llama government and if they don’t like you then you’re in for a rough ride.
Larry could have solved his problems the easy way (by committing suicide) but instead he chose to be ‘brave’ and go the full switcheroo. He went to a special hospital for llamas that aren’t grateful for the body that God gave them and think they know better, where he traded in his llama cock and balls for a shiny new llama vagina.
Mmmm, shiny llama vagina.
Also, he got his hair dun.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great joy that I present to you for the first time, Laura the Llama!
I’m still going to call him Larry because that’s what I’m used to and if he doesn’t like it he can go suck a bag of dicks, which he can probably find in the car park of the aforementioned hospital.
From this day on, Larry was completely happy because it totally wasn’t just a phase and he had no other mental shortcomings at all. He lived a long and happy life of tricking other boy llamas into what is essentially gay sex I don’t care what you say, and died at a ripe old age, just like we all do, so none of this even mattered.